Recently I noticed that if I just scan through my FB photos, my life kind of looks like one big party.
So, let me assure you:
I have a great fucking life. And the best fucking friends.
I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. And I get to see the stars almostevery night!
I absolutely love the work I do! And I’m damn good at it.
I’m proud of the space I make for myself to play and connect with my body and to create ceremony and connection to nature.
However, what may not come through in the photos is:
I’m regularly bone tired from facilitating and teaching, and then coming home to two (beautiful, yes, but also) needy little children.
I often do my morning yoga and chanting practice with one (or more) children either in my lap, or trying to show me Lego weapons. Or with two kids yelling at each other in the background.
My kids eat waaaaaaaay better than I do! My lunch usually consists of whatever I can easily grab on my way out the door to pick Trent up from school.
I almost never go to the bathroom alone.
I still struggle with a dynamic tension in me between craving connection and contact, and a deep need to be alone especially since I’ve rarely been alone these last 6 years.
The kids and I have everything we need, but for years there was nothing extra and my bank account got scary-low at times.
I say all this in case any of this is true for any of you, and you think you are alone: You are not alone.
I say all this in case any of this is true for any you, and you are afraid it means you are broken: You are not broken.
I say all this in case any of this is true for any of you, and you are judging yourself – especially if you are judging yourself against me.
You are enough and you are good enough.
WILD GEESE, by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.